


By The Ocean

by City_Of_Weird



Category: Bandom, Fueled by Ramen, Panic! at the Disco, Young Veins
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Depressing, M/M, Post-Break Up, Ryden, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 07:31:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17914514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/City_Of_Weird/pseuds/City_Of_Weird
Summary: Brendon relives some memories of Ryan, and him.





	By The Ocean

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing, and I certainly do not claim that any of this is real. I am making no money off of this. I purely write for only my enjoyment, and the pleasure of others.

Brendon was sitting in the sand, his mind full of thoughts. It had been five years, why couldn't he just go ahead, and let it all go. He knew Ryan had, not that it had meant much to Ryan in the first place, but maybe it had. Brendon doubted it though.

The beach was empty, thankfully. The breeze was like a cape of cover, blocking the outside world. Only when he was alone on this beach would Brendon let his thoughts consume him. Sometimes he would dream of days, sitting here with Ryan. Those days were when he showed up here with a bottle of whiskey.

Brendon looked up, and saw a seagull flying above him. He often wished he was as free as a bird, but one night he realized that birds weren't free, nothing was. A bird might be able to fly away, that didn't change the fact that they had to stick by their food source, or where it was warm, that birds had to stay where they were safe. The most freeing thing Brendon had ever felt was love, it was more deafening than any sound. Then what love Brendon had felt was corrupted with sadness, and hatred, for a very long time. Now though, what replaced that freeing love was heartbreak.

What Brendon had with Ryan haunted him. There were moments he just couldn't let go. Things he tried to forget about, but hadn't been able to. That's why he came to Myrtle Beach, so he could relive the night Ryan had first kissed him.

They had been standing in the ocean not to far from the others. Deep enough in the water that the waves hit above both of their waists. Brendon had been drunk on the excitement of playing that night, and was giggling at anything, and everything. A particularly strong wave had almost knocked Brendon over, Ryan had reached over to steady him. Brendon recalled how warm Ryan had felt compared to the cold ocean around him. Brendon didn't remember what he had been thinking, but he remembered purposely falling underwater, and pulling Ryan down with him. When they emerged Ryan had sputtered, asking, "What was that for?"

Brendon had giggled, and had told him it was because they could do whatever they wanted, that they were free. Brendon remember the look of disbelief that had been on Ryan's face after he said that. Then Ryan had kissed him. It had taken Brendon a moment to realize what was happening, that Ryan was kissing him, and he began to kiss back.

There were too many kisses for Brendon to count, but not enough. When Ryan had left he had taken his kisses with him. Brendon breathed in the fresh, ocean air thinking of another memory.

Him, and Ryan were on the bus, in the lounge, listening to music. Ryan had been writing in his notebook at the time, when Brendon had grabbed the hand that he wasn't holding the pen in, and pulled him up from where he had been sitting. Ryan had shaken his head in exasperation, and asked, "Brendon, what do you think you're doing?"

"I want to dance. I need a dance partner to dance, don't I?" Brendon had said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Ryan had laughed, sounding better than the music playing to Brendon's ears.

Brendon had pulled Ryan into a dance that resembled something you would see in a ballroom. Brendon had started to hum along when Ryan unexpectedly pulled him closer, and tripped over both of their feet, which had become tangled. Ryan had somehow ended up on top of Brendon, who had landed on his back, on the floor.

Huffing a breath, Brendon had laughed, saying, "Well I guess you fell for me." Ryan had looked Brendon in his eyes, and snorted. The smile on Ryan's face Brendon would never forget. That smile Ryan gave him when he had done, or said something dumb, that Ryan found funny, was one of Brendon's favorite smiles. All of Ryan's smiles were his favorite smiles.

Brendon, lost in his memories, had shifted in the sand, cutting himself on a sharp shell. Blood ran down his foot. Standing up on it, he winced. He suddenly realized how long he had been sitting there, so long that the sun had started to rise. In the distance there was a person walking down the beach. Brendon walked back up the sand, towards his car, carrying his shoes. The morning heat of the sun, warming his skin.

Back in the driver's seat of the car, Brendon took a deep breath, trying to reel the memories back into the locked box, in the back of his mind. It had been quite sometime since he had visited the beach, letting the lost feeling of happiness that he only ever felt with Ryan, wash over him. Before he left the beach, Brendon wanted to relive one last precious memory.

Ryan, and Brendon were on the tour bus, alone. Brendon had been out of town previously, and had just returned. Brendon sat on the couch, behind Ryan, putting his forehead against Ryan's shoulder. "I'm back." Brendon stated, lowly.

"I noticed." Ryan responded, looking over. A small smile formed on Ryan's lips, as he spoke. "Missed you." Ryan turned, so his side was to Brendon's front. Brendon had a leg over Ryan's lap, with his hands resting on Brendon's calf.

With his chin on Ryan's shoulder now, Brendon bit his bottom lip. "I missed you too." He said, with the sound of a smile in his voice. Ryan had huffed a breath, through his nose before leaning down to kiss Brendon's lips. Brendon could recall the taste of Ryan's lips in vivid detail, he had tasted like a sweet orange that day, on the bus.

Brendon shook his head, wanting to enter back into reality without the bone deep sadness that came with the memories of Ryan. When Ryan had left, he took several parts of Brendon's heart with him. Every minute that Ryan, and him were fighting, that Ryan hadn't left for good yet, was just another broken piece that Ryan had taken with him. There were too many things that Ryan had taken with him for Brendon to count. His happiness being one of them.

A car horn in the distance made Brendon jump in his seat. Looking up from the steering wheel, Brendon swore he saw Ryan walking towards his car. Closing his eyes, Brendon started the car, and pulled away from the sandy curb.

It couldn't be, my minds just playing tricks on me again. I need to start getting more sleep. Brendon thought, as he drove. Thoughts of Ryan had been plaguing his dreams, usually a trip to the beach would help. Hopefully it would.

Driving down the road, Brendon was able to put his hopes, and dreams of Ryan to rest for a short while. Sooner or later though Brendon would come back to the beach, and relive different memories. It was something Brendon had been doing for years now. Almost everytime Brendon swore to himself that he saw Ryan. He would always brush it off as something else. Who's to say that Ryan doesn't come to the beach too occasionally, to either bury himself in his thoughts, or to see if he could spot Brendon sitting in the sand, looking as though his mind was somewhere else entirely.

**Author's Note:**

> Dudes thank you so much for reading!! So to go with this story I suggest you listen to the songs,  
> 1.) Hurricane by Panic! At the Disco  
> And  
> 2.) Stuck in Love by William Beckett (Featuring Ryan Ross)  
> This was inspired by some poetry I wrote back in December about my own lost love. Let me know down in the comments your thoughts, feelings, and weather you want me to write a sequel or not.


End file.
